Mustache March: Bringing Dignity to the Disgraced

There are few things with a worse reputation in this world than the mustache.

Zach Burmaster (Beardmaster) and John "Mustache" Murray show off their staches during last year's "Stache Bash" in Mark Twain Lounge.

Among all the stereotypes, it has one of the worst raps, for some of the worst reasons.

No, a mustache is not an indicator of a pedophile.

It does not mean you’re white trash.

And it surely doesn’t mean you’ve got bad hygiene.

Sure, there are those odd balls out there, but aren’t there odd balls in everything?


A few stats for you numbers-minded people:

  1. In 2009, 50 games into the MLB season, Mustache-touting managers had a higher overall win percentage than non mustached managers. Seriously.
  2. Mustached Americans are earning, on average, 4.3% more than clean-shaven Americans. It’s science, people.
  3. The American Mustache Institute was asked in 1965, at the inception of AMI, to improve American good looks by 22%. But they’ve topped it, improving it by 38%.


Some History and a Call To Arms:

In 2003, a phenomena started throughout the nation to encourage men to grow out their mustaches in March to bring back it’s dignity.

We can’t let a few pedophiles ruin something that was once so highly regarded.

Throughout history some of the most respectable men have sported the stache:

  • Alex Trebek. Yes, that Alex Trebek, the host of Jeopardy!
  • Albert Einstein. The guy was brilliant… he had a mustache for a reason!
  • Gandhi. You never heard anyone calling him out for his “molustache,” did you?
  • Martin Luther King. The guy changed the world. And he had a mustache. Thus, men with mustaches change the world. #Fact

Word is, even Jesus had a mustache.

But anyway… Now that I’ve made a brief case FOR the mustache, here’s the call to arms.

Mustache March is right around the corner. So MEN, start growing out your staches.

Ben "Beardman" Pape shows off the stache during Mustache March 2010. Doesn't he look like he should join the police academy?

Don’t be discouraged when friend’s scoff you.

Gandhi spent years in prison. MLK was assasinated (though, not exactly for his mustache). But look on the bright side: Alex Trebek got a legit job and Jesus saved the world from their sin.

You, too, can make a difference.

Grow out the hair on your upper lip.

Help promote awareness to dispel the negative stigma of men with mustaches.

We deserve proper respect just like any other segment of society.

Show your support. Grow your stache. Maybe even win some cash.

But most importantly, remember that Mustache March is not about you.

It’s about dignity. Pride. And bringing back respect to the stache.

You can make a difference.

4 thoughts on “Mustache March: Bringing Dignity to the Disgraced

  1. SL Jones says:

    Every lady loves a man with a mustache.
    This has been brought to you by the Victorian Spam Society.

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