Confession: My Journey from Michael Brown to George Floyd

A lot has changed since August 9, 2014. 

In the world, for sure, but especially within me. 

As events unfolded in Ferguson, MO, I reasoned people act rationally, so if Michael Brown was shot & killed by a police officer, it must have been justified. My personal experience told me that must be true. I rejected the notion race was a pivotal or contributing factor. 

Oh, how wrong I now realize I was.  And for that I am sorry. 

It wasn’t so much George Floyd’s murder that flipped the switch. 

It was Sandra Bland. Ahmaud Arbery. White Fragility (by Robin Diangelo). Talking with Strangers (Malcolm Gladwell). Donald Trump (and the flagrant white supremacy his presidency has exposed). 

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A few things, in particular, have jarred me of late: 

1. As the Black Lives Matter movement has gained traction, my sphere and connection with people of color is very small. So the voices I’m discussing these issues with are extremely homogenous: white people. 

2. Just because I personally haven’t experienced something doesn’t mean it’s not real or doesn’t exist. Perhaps it’s further proof that there’s a problem. (I.E.: I’m a white male and have never feared a stop by police.) 

3. Elizabeth & I intend to foster &/or adopt in the (near) future. It’s possible the children & families we care for will come from minority communities. This makes #1 & #2 even greater issues. 

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Before I go too far, let me say this: 

Absolute statements are unhelpful and only enhance division. 

For instance: All Cops aren’t Bad Cops. All Protesters aren’t Violent Looters. All Black people aren’t Dangerous. All White People aren’t Maliciously Prejudicial. 

But none of those statements contradict the fact that racism is real & many of us participate in it unknowingly because it benefits us (both passively & actively). 

We can both support law enforcement and recognize its vital role, while also admitting there are egregious issues that require immediate reform or complete upheaval. 

We can grieve the death of black people at the hands of police and not question our appreciation of those who truly serve to protect all communities with integrity and honor. Both can exist simultaneously. 

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I’m saddened as I reflect on the past six years and the tragedy that’s transpired to open my eyes and change my heart. 

I recognize and wish to repent of the deep-seated fears and prejudices I hold toward others who don’t look like me because of the paradigm in which I grew up (which, to be clear, doesn’t mean my parents were blatantly prejudicial, or that we were part of the KKK, etc… more on that another time). 

As a follower of Jesus, I realize now, more than ever, that my role is to share His love with others. My role is to love deeply and act justly. All people — not just those in my homogenous group of friends and family. I believe that means making changes to my normal rhythms to intentionally seek cross-cultural relationships and understanding so I don’t remain in my white bubble reality. 

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Where to go from here? 

As Elizabeth & I ponder these realities, we’re trying to discover new ways to develop meaningful relationships with people of color, seek to hear their stories and truly listen to hear rather than just respond. 

We’re contemplating where to live & be the church so our children can experience diversity in everyday life.  

We’re actively engaging with others about race so we can share what we’ve learned and hopefully further the cause of racial reconciliation and equality. 

We have a lot to learn. And we have a lot to repent of. We know this journey is just beginning. 

If we truly wish and pray for unity rather than division and peace rather than chaos, we first must look within and acknowledge our own prejudices & blind spots.

If you have any resources or would like to engage further offline, don’t hesitate to email me to find a time to connect.

The Shack | Wm. Paul Young

“The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young chronicles one man’s journey from tragedy to trust, in the years after his 6-year old daughter was brutally murdered by a serial killer while on vacation.

Four years after Mack’s daughter Missy was kidnapped and murdered in the mountains of Washington, he receives a mysterious note requesting his presence at the very place where his heart was broken: The Shack.

During his weekend encounter at the shack, Mack faces his fears and sees God in a completely new and unthinkable way: a black woman (think Madea, as “God the Father”), an Asian woman (think Mulan, as the Holy Spirit) and an ordinary man as Jesus.

While the writing and storytelling could use some work, the fresh portrayal of the trinity, along with great dialogue about many of life’s hardest questions (the problem of pain, free will, death & the afterlife) make this a book worth reading.

While I can’t vouch for its Biblical accuracy in every area, it certainly helps the reader question certain cultural stereotypes about God and helps engage on a deeper, more personal level about what it means to have a relationship with Jesus.

Below are a few excerpts that especially stood out to me, that I hope might stimulate some conversation in your own heart or mind about God.

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On Free Will: 

“To force my will on you,” Jesus replied,” is exactly what love does not do. Genuine relationships are marked by submission even when your choices are not helpful for healthy.”  (pg. 147, emphasis mine)

On The Church:

“I get it. You are the way in, but–” Mack paused, searching for the right words. “You’re talking about the church as this woman you’re in love with; I’m pretty sure I haven’t met her.” he turned away slightly. “She’s not the place I go on Sunday.”

“Mack, that’s because you’re seeing only the institution, the man-made system. That’s not what i came to build. What I see are people and their lives, a living, breathing community of all those who love me, not buildings and programs,” Jesus replied. (Pg 180, emphasis mine.)

On Religion vs. Relationship: 

“Those who love me have come from every system that exists. They were Buddhists or Mormons, Baptists or Muslims; some are Democrats, some Republicans and many don’t vote or are not part of any Sunday morning or religious institution. I have followers who were murderers and many who were self-righteous. Some are bankers and bookies, Americans and Iraqis, Jews and Palestinians. I have no desire to make them Christian, but I do want to join them in their transformation into sons and daughters of my Papa, into my brothers and sisters, into my Beloved.”

“Does that mean,” said Mack,” that all roads will lead to you?

“Not at all, Jesus smiled as he reached for the door handle to the shop. “Most roads don’t lead to anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you.” (pg. 184, emphasis mine

On Evil, Love & Free Will: 

“Honey, I also forgave you for even thinking I could be that way (using pain to force people to God). I understand how difficult it is for you, so lost in your perceptions of reality and yet so sure of your own judgments, to even begin to perceive, let alone imagine, who real love and goodness are. True love never forces.” She squeezed his hand and sat back.

“But if I understand what you’re saying, the consequences of our selfishness are part of the process that brings us to the end of our delusions and helps us find you. Is that why you don’t stop every evil? Is that why you didn’t warn me that Missy was in danger or help us find her?”

“If only it were that simple, Mackenzie. Nobody knows what horrors I have saved the world from ’cause people can’t see what never happened. All evil flows from independence, and independence is your choice. If I were to simply revoke all choice of independence, the world as you know it would cease to exist and love would have no meaning. This world is not a playground where I keep all my children free from evil. Evil is the chaos of this age that you brought to me, but it will not have the final say. Now it touches everyone I love, those who follow me and those who don’t. If I take away the consequences of people’s choices, I destroy all the possibility of love. Love that is forced is no love at all.” (Pg. 192, emphasis mine)

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Do any of these excerpts strike you in any particular way? Share your comments below.